wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
handjob tips. give me some.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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