Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize