ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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