I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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