Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
