I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
