If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
