I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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