The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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