Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
