the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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