I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
