For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
