Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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