I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
