She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
