You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
