saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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