make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
