Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
