No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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