Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
