no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
