Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
