your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
