I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
