Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
