This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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