she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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