I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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