Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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