Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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