Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
