I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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