They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
