dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
