Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
