It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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