I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
