your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
