I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
