I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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