i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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