My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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