The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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