im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
