Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
