literally had 100 drinks last night.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
