I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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