When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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