Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
