There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
