Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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