Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
