I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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