Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
