remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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