Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
