I showed him my bush... on skype.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
