i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
