I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
